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Divorce is something I am all to familiar with. At the age of two, my mother divorced my father. I don't really remember much other than my father not being around afterward. But years later, I remember reading something my mother wrote in my baby book. She wrote how she hoped that the divorce wouldn't screw me up. 

My Mom remarried when I was 7 years old. And my stepfather essentially became the Dad that I never had and took on the role of raising me. They both have helped shape me into the person I am today and we have always been close. But no family is perfect and ours certainly wasn't. After 25 years of marriage, they separated last year and have since divorced. 

I knew it was for the better but it broke me down in ways I never could have imagined. I wasn't prepared for the aftermath and how it would effect me not having the parental unit I was accustomed to having all these years. The first six months I felt depressed and sad by everything that was taking place. One parent was moving on too fast and starting a whole new life and one parent was still struggling to deal with the reality. I felt torn between the two and neither one of them seemed to notice my feelings at all. 

And to make it worse, there was little comfort or understanding from friends and family. Everyone seemed to have the same attitude of "oh well, life happens". But it was MY life and it did matter. And trust me, I never thought that being in my thirties and having divorced parents would be such a big deal. But the truth is, divorce is hard no matter what age you are. You are not bullet proof to the emotions of something just because you're an adult. 

I've had to learn how to set boundaries with both parents all while trying to rebuild my relationship with them individually. How to factor in holidays and visits and everything in between. And because there is no manual on how to deal with it all. I felt like I needed to share the things that helped me in the process. 


By this I mean, distance yourself if need be. Sometimes the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Both parents have to deal with their new reality and you have to allow yourself the time to do the same. And don't feel guilty about it. We all need a break from time to time.


You may feel a sense of loss and sadness and it's important to recognize those feelings and deal with them. Talk to someone, write down how you feel and be honest with yourself. And know that you're allowed to feel this way even if others don't understand it.


Your friends may not be sympathetic to your situation. And like any big change in life, you will need someone who can be a listening ear when needed. I am so thankful for my friend, Jackie. She took my calls at any time of day and was there for me when ever I needed a friend. I told her things that I could barely admit to myself. Having someone there you can trust and confide in will help you to get through the worst of days.


To be honest, this is still something I am getting used to. It's not easy to see your parents move on and be with other people. And they often start to live a completely different life than they did before. But if I've learned anything through this process, it's that everyone deserves to be happy. And although you may not agree with their new life decisions, it's their choice to make.


At some point you will have to set boundaries with each parent. And it can often feel like you're putting them in "time out". But in order for you to have a healthy relationship with them individually, you will have to let them know when they are crossing a line. And it's okay to not want to hear every detail of their divorce, or who did what wrong and even things about their new significant other. YOU get to set the boundaries of what makes you comfortable.


Now that each parent has moved on in different directions. You will have to reestablish your relationship with each parent individually. You will also have to find ways to communicate, share holidays and factor in visits. Dedicate some time to spend with each parent separately to re-familiarize yourself with one another. 

It's been a long year of high emotions, changes and accepting the reality of my family's new normal. But I'm thankful that we each seem to have found some sort of peace within ourselves amidst the chaos.  


If you've experienced divorce, what helped you to cope?


XO, Rae



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We're adults, when did that happen? And how do we make it stop? These words immediately resonated with me as I heard them out loud during an episode of Grey's Anatomy. I was having a rough day and was in my feelings. So, I ordered Chinese food, dug deep into the blankets on my bed and binged watched a season of Grey's on Netflix. And at that very moment of hearing those words, I burst into tears. Life has recently reminded me that it owes you nothing and that change is inevitable. 

I know now more than EVER that life happens regardless if you're ready for it or not. This year has been full of change both personally and professionally. My family dynamic has changed with the divorce of my parents. Although probably best for both parties involved, it still comes with a sense of pain and loss. And one thing I was not prepared for, is how it has changed the relationship I have with my mother. She is someone I have always been extremely close with. But I'm learning that parents have their life to live just as we have our own. And even though I wish things could go back to the way they were, this is now our new normal.

I also, recently parted ways with my half-sister. This is something that has built up for years but still hurts nonetheless. I understand now that with loss comes growth. I have always been a "fixer" in my relationships with others. And this year has taught me that there are some things that can't be fixed. I've learned to accept things for what they are. And in the process, I am also learning to stop carrying the guilt. Being an adult comes with responsibility, but it also comes with the freedom of doing what is best for YOU.

My professional life has taken on a whole new meaning. As I once used to pride myself on a title I held in the corporate world, I'm now learning the meaning of being an entrepreneur. I never realized how much I depended on a job status until I stripped it away. But in the past year of reinventing myself, I realized that I didn't need to have a "title" or "status" in order to be happy. My only regret is that I wish I had realized this sooner. But life is funny that way, in that it gives you exactly what you need when you least expect it.

So, let this be a reminder that life comes with many unexpected changes. And even when life feels like too much, just know that you will get through it. Although, I never would have imagined all the change this year would bring, I am reminded that I have much to look forward to. And one being, embarking on year number three of living in New York City this October.

Everything in life is temporary. And you can always start new on a blank page.


XO, Rae