BLANK PAGE: A LIFE UPDATE

 
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We're adults, when did that happen? And how do we make it stop? These words immediately resonated with me as I heard them out loud during an episode of Grey's Anatomy. I was having a rough day and was in my feelings. So, I ordered Chinese food, dug deep into the blankets on my bed and binged watched a season of Grey's on Netflix. And at that very moment of hearing those words, I burst into tears. Life has recently reminded me that it owes you nothing and that change is inevitable. 

I know now more than EVER that life happens regardless if you're ready for it or not. This year has been full of change both personally and professionally. My family dynamic has changed with the divorce of my parents. Although probably best for both parties involved, it still comes with a sense of pain and loss. And one thing I was not prepared for, is how it has changed the relationship I have with my mother. She is someone I have always been extremely close with. But I'm learning that parents have their life to live just as we have our own. And even though I wish things could go back to the way they were, this is now our new normal.

I also, recently parted ways with my half-sister. This is something that has built up for years but still hurts nonetheless. I understand now that with loss comes growth. I have always been a "fixer" in my relationships with others. And this year has taught me that there are some things that can't be fixed. I've learned to accept things for what they are. And in the process, I am also learning to stop carrying the guilt. Being an adult comes with responsibility, but it also comes with the freedom of doing what is best for YOU.

My professional life has taken on a whole new meaning. As I once used to pride myself on a title I held in the corporate world, I'm now learning the meaning of being an entrepreneur. I never realized how much I depended on a job status until I stripped it away. But in the past year of reinventing myself, I realized that I didn't need to have a "title" or "status" in order to be happy. My only regret is that I wish I had realized this sooner. But life is funny that way, in that it gives you exactly what you need when you least expect it.

So, let this be a reminder that life comes with many unexpected changes. And even when life feels like too much, just know that you will get through it. Although, I never would have imagined all the change this year would bring, I am reminded that I have much to look forward to. And one being, embarking on year number three of living in New York City this October.

Everything in life is temporary. And you can always start new on a blank page.

 

XO, Rae

TOPICS WOMEN HIDE FROM

 

As women, there are subjects that we tend to avoid being honest about. And sometimes try to avoid all together. Maybe it's for fear of being judged or looked at differently. I think it's often not until someone else is honest about their feelings that we then can admit we feel the same way. Why are we so afraid of being honest with our selves and even more so with each other?

Getting pregnant is one of life's little miracles. Many women base their whole entire life on when they will become a mother. And when it does, they are overwhelmed with joy. Well maybe not for all women. Some women although very much wanting to carry a child do not feel it's the best experience. And not all women actually like being pregnant. YES, there I said it! I haven't been pregnant myself, but I have watched several friends go through two completely different experiences when it comes to pregnancy. And it's difficult to see the friends who did not have the greatest experience being pregnant feel shameful for feeling that way. Why can't a woman say that she dreads the part of gaining weight, feels like her body is disowning her, never had anything close to a "glow", admits to drinking more than the recommended coffee amounts, desperately wants to drink a glass of wine and has no urge to breastfeed PERIOD. Why is it so frowned upon for a women to speak her truth? You don't hear women who have great pregnancies shy away from telling everyone....and I mean everyone! But the moment a pregnant women even starts to say something that sounds like a negative remark about pregnancy, you can just see the looks of other women judging her. 

Getting married is something you often dream about since you were a little girl. You grow up playing house and even married off your Ken and Barbie dolls. Then as you get older, you date different guys and endure one too many heartbreaks. You see relationships for what they really are. Some great and some that you'd like to forget about. You begin to realize that maybe marriage is not what you want or believe in anymore. But your afraid to even say it out loud much less tell your closest friends and definitely not your Mother. If most of your friends are married or engaged, they would probably just tell you that you're going through a phase. Or tell you that you've just dated the wrong guys and not to worry, your future husband IS out there somewhere. But YOU know deep down that if marriage was somehow NOT in the cards for you, you would probably be okay with that. So, why do we feel this guilt for being brutally honest? And for fear of downplaying our friends marriages and relationships, we reluctantly agree that it's just a phase and tell yourself that you're probably just being a little bitter. 

Hold your head high and NEVER let them see you sweat. We are trained since an early age to have our life plan mapped out. College, Career, Marriage then Babies. But what about PLAN B? Or even better yet, PLAN C, D or even E?? Did anyone ever tell you what happens when plan A doesn't fall into place? I didn't think so. So why is that? It's almost as if plan A doesn't go accordingly, then somehow we must have failed in our life. And even worse we would have to admit that we failed if we tried to discuss it with someone else. Not everyone fits into plan A and that's OKAY. Life is often better lived off script. So what you didn't go to college or graduate. And maybe you're in your thirties just now figuring out what you want to do for a longterm career. And maybe being single is your plan for now, so you can travel first before getting married and having kids. What's SO wrong with that plan? Your life doesn't have to be like everyone else's or even in the same order. But we fear to admit to each other that we like our plan better and that life sometimes tastes better against the grain. 

You should never apologize for how you feel, who you are as a person or where you stand on certain topics. So often we seek approval from others. But being honest in how you feel may likely make others feel relieved. We also look to other women who are just like us. It's much more comforting and inspiring when you have those who are closest to you share in your same feelings. So, next time your faced with these topics, be true to YOU. Make no excuses and remember, you may not be alone. 

 

XO, Rae

10 THINGS YOU LEARN IN YOUR 30's

 
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Since turning the BIG 3-0, I've learned to fully embrace my thirties. And so far, they have not disappointed. They say with age comes wisdom. So with the help of some friends, I have compiled a list of '10 Things You Learn In Your 30's.'

1. EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE

By 30 you start to really get to know who you are as a person and what you want out of life. You become an adult so to speak. Your getting your career on point, your paying bills like a boss and dating like a grown woman. Don't be fearful of who you may become. Be open to the possibilities.

2. YOUR MOM IS ALWAYS RIGHT -Kristi E.

It's bound to happen. You will begin to hear yourself channeling your mother and saying to yourself "She was right!"  I even find that I often apologize to my Mom for thinking that she has no idea what I am going through....what I now realize is that she has already been there and done it. Hence why Mom's give the best advice.

3. YOU ARE NOT MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING -Billy B.

Remember when you got invited to go out with your friends and you were so afraid of missing out you would never say 'NO'. Well those days are over. You just worked a 40+ hour week, your tired, you have nothing to wear and all you really want to do is go home and watch 'The Real Housewives'. Plus you can live vicariously via Facebook and save yourself the hangover. You will thank yourself in the morning.

4. FAMILY IS NOT ALWAYS BLOOD RELATED -Marisa L.

I agree 100%. Family does not have to be true to definition. Being family means more than just sharing a last name or a bloodline of relatives. It's about being there for someone and making an effort to be a part of their life. You don't get to pick your family but you do get to pick your friends. If your lucky, some of those friends will become family. 

5. IT'S OKAY TO MAKE MISTAKES -Billy B.

Although you are well into adulthood now. You are still allowed to make mistakes. You don't have to have it all figured out in a perfect Pinterest board. Be open to the idea that things will fall apart at times. But more often than not you will find yourself able to pick the pieces quicker. 

6. SOMETIMES YOU WILL HAVE TO PARENT YOUR PARENTS -Jackie A.

At some point you will find yourself in a moment of being the parent to your parent(s). Whether it's in giving advice or in caring for them as they get older. Both are more of a reality at this age. You will begin to start to worry about them more often, be ultra protective and have to deal with the fact that they are getting older and will need you more than ever. 

7. A FEW GOOD FRIENDS ARE ALL YOU REALLY NEED

At this age, it really is about quality NOT quantity. Life is busy and when you do have down time, you want to invest in those who make it worth while. This isn't high school anymore and you don't need to be in a clique. You need real girlfriends that you can laugh with, confide in and drink bottles of wine with no judgment. 

8. DATE YOURSELF

Ladies, LISTEN UP! You can't expect for someone to love you if you don't love yourself. And sometimes the best way to do that is to date yourself. Meaning put yourself on "a break" and get to know who you are deep down. The only way you are going to know what you want out of a relationship is to know what you have to have offer as well. Try it. I promise you will be a better girlfriend and one day wife for it!

9. SEX IS BETTER IN YOUR THIRTIES- Jennifer S.

Okay, so now that you have dated your self and have sworn off men for awhile. Nothing will get you back in the saddle more than having some good sex. It's true, sex is better in your thirties. Maybe its because of all the bad sex you had in your twenties or because your more experienced now? Whatever it is, be thankful! 

10. YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER AT 30

Contrary to what you may assume, turning thirty is not as awful as we make it out to be. Sure, it poses the question "What am I doing with my life?" But it doesn't have to be defining of who you are. Your not a failure because you don't have your dream job, not married yet or have kids. Life doesn't give you bonus points for having it all figured out by a certain age. Your thirties are the years that you will change and grow the most. It IS possible that your thirties will be some of the best years of your life.

 

XO, Rae