THE RED FLAGS OF DATING A NARCISSIST

I wasn’t sure if I would actually ever publish this post. I initially wrote this almost a year ago, five months after I ended my relationship with my ex. And in those first few months post-breakup, I discovered a lot of things that I wish I would have known sooner.

And after a lot of thought, I decided that I wanted to share my experience. If you’ve followed my blog for awhile you know I’ve always said that I would not only share the pretty parts of life, but also the messy, and sometimes complicated. My goal has always been to have this be a safe space, especially for women. And I want to keep the conversations going on topics that we don’t always openly discuss. I hope that by me sharing my experience, someone else reading this can relate. And also be reminded that you are NEVER alone, no matter what you’re going through or have been through in the past.

As many of you know, I was dating my ex at the start of the pandemic up until May of 2021. And although I spent a collective of 8 years (on and off starting in my 20s) with this man, it wasn’t until I ended things that I realized he’s a Narcissist. And I don’t use this term lightly. I have done my due diligence of learning what a Narcissist really is. And honestly, it’s something I still struggle to wrap my mind around.

Definition:

nar·cis·sist

/ˈnärsəsəst/

noun

1. a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.

How I realized my ex was a Narcissist:

A few months after we broke up, I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across a graphic that had listed out characteristics of a Narcissist. I remember just sitting there stunned because it all just started to click in my mind. I ugly cried reading it over and over again. It made complete sense to me however, I couldn’t understand how I didn’t realize it at the time of the realtionship.

I saw the red flags over and over again. The constant need to keep his phone in close proximity. Always telling me I was “needy” yet he would never demonstrate undivided attention. Constantly questioning my commitment level in the relationship. Keeping his friends private but always making himself known to mine. Buying gifts and paying for things to receive praise and showcase his ego. Withholding Sex. Always promising future plans. Blaming others for his bad behavior. Showcasing an egotistical attitude. Verbally getting into arguments with co-workers and superiors. Lying and exaggerating the truth. The list goes on and on.

Red flags of dating a narcissist 🚩 

🚩 Love bombs and speaks of future plans early on in the relationship.

🚩 Always seeking validation from others.

🚩 Says or does things that are hurtful to you, but says “you’re overreacting” anytime it happens.

🚩 Constantly draws a line in the sand when it comes to big decisions in the relationship (ie; marriage, having kids, living arrangements, etc.) Making you feel like you have to give up everything in order to make it work.

🚩 Showers you with gifts as a distraction to keep you thinking they actually care and are being thoughtful.

🚩 Calling you “needy” when all you’re asking for is the bare minimum when it comes to showing affection and giving undivided attention.

🚩 Withholds Sex

🚩 Often shows jealousy towards other male friends or ex’s to create his dominance in your life.

🚩 Lack of empathy towards others.

🚩 Constantly viewing others as a threat to them.

🚩 Often cheats in the relationship to obtain new supply.

🚩 The need to keep their social media private. Never taking photos together. Saying they don’t need to publicize everything. But they post selfies and anything else they choose. Always eager to be visible on your social media (for attention).

🚩 Irresponsible when it comes to finances and spending money on material things.

🚩 Typically has strained relationships with friends/family.

🚩 Never accepts fault for any wrong doings.

🚩 Makes you feel crazy for pointing out any bad behavior, even when you show proof.

🚩 Usually prays on empaths.

The aftermath and healing process:

I initially felt angry at myself for not seeing it from the beginning. I just always thought he was charismatic. But what I didn’t realize is that his charm played an important role in his manipulation. That’s how narcissists suck you in. Everything feels amazing in the beginning. Almost euphoric. Like you’re on a high of emotions. It’s mesmerizing at first being with someone who shows you affection, tends to your needs and throws shiny gifts at you to keep you wanting more. 

Looking back now, it seems so obvious. And I’m sure if you’re reading this…..you’re yelling out like WTF?! How did you NOT see that he was a narcissist?! The truth is, when you’re in a relationship and you’re in love with someone, you don’t always see the bigger picture. You see things in small snippets. And you only know what you know at the time of each snippet playing out in front of you. And one thing to know about narcissists, is that they are REALLY good at explaining themselves in situations. And they are even better at convincing you that what you think you’re seeing, isn’t actually the truth. They lie so well that sometimes you even start to talk yourself out of your initial thoughts and feelings. The way they can manipulate is actually pretty impressive.

When you date a narcissist and the relationship ends, you often are left with a lot of unanswered questions. And closure is something you likely will not be given, but have to rather find on your own. I’ve had to accept that I will never get back the time wasted or effort spent on this relationship. As well as accepting that what was real for me, was not real for him but rather just another supply to feed his ego.

One thing you also have to come to terms with, is the emotional abuse that takes place in dealing with a narcissist. Typically when I think of abuse, I think of some sort of physical abuse. However, emotional abuse can be just as traumatic and triggering.

I have spent a lot of time unlearning what was and accepting what is. I still carry a lot of guilt and shame for allowing myself to be in a toxic relationship like this. I like to think that I have done the work in trying to heal but I know it takes time. I have seen the damage it has done first hand especially as I try to get back out there and date again. It is a constant trigger and something that I have to work on going forward. But what I now know to be red flags, will hopefully prevent me from future toxic relationships.

And while I can’t speak for all relationships, this is my personal experience. My hope is that someone reading this who may be dealing with their own narcissist can see the red flags and can end the relationship sooner than later. I think we can encounter narcissists in our lives in many forms, whether it be in our careers, our relationships or even friendships. Knowledge is power.

XO,

Dana Rae

HOW TO HEAL FROM A BREAKUP

If you’re reading this and going through a break up or have recently been through one, I’m so sorry!! I hope you know that you are NOT alone. And we’ve all been there before. Breakups are never easy, no matter what age you are or how long the relationship lasted. But the truth is, relationships end for all sorts of reasons. Maybe you grew apart? Maybe there was cheating involved? Maybe you felt like you were settling? Maybe you realized you both wanted different things out of life? Or maybe this particular person, was only supposed to be in your life for a season and not a lifetime.

No matter the reason for the breakup, it’s still important to grieve the relationship in order to heal and move on. Here are a few things I’ve found to be helpful for me, after my recent breakup.

END ALL COMMUNICATION

Although it can be hard to end all contact right away, nothing good can come from going back and forth with each other. It will only make it more difficult to move on from the relationship. So delete the contact and block him/her from your social media. Otherwise the temptation will always be there. And you’ll be more enticed to reach out when you’re having a moment of weakness or loneliness. The sooner you remove your ex from your life, the sooner you can start to move on.

CHANGE UP YOUR DAILY ROUTINE

From the time you wake up until the time you go to bed, find ways to change your daily habits. The first few days/weeks are always the hardest because everything tends to remind you of that person. But if you incorporate new habits to replace the old ones, it can make the days a little easier to get through. Make sure to fill your schedule with work, dinner dates with friends, new activities, house chores or anything that will keep you distracted for the time being. This way you won’t have as much time to notice the absence of your ex or the routine that you used to share together.

GRIEVE THE RELATIONSHIP

Even if you’re anxious to just move on from the relationship and leave it in the past. You still need to process things in order to fully heal from it. And the process may look different for everyone. Whether it’s getting rid of physical items that remind you of that person, deleting photos from your phone, cleansing your personal space, crying it out or writing a goodbye letter. Do whatever helps you to grieve what was and accept what is. Even if it feels heavy, allow yourself to go through the emotions. You can’t skip over the pain to get to the other side, you have to go through it first.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH FRIENDS

Going through a breakup can be lonely. So it’s important to have at least one friend who you can confide in without feeling judged. Sometimes we don’t want to burden our friends with our breakup drama. However, having someone you can call when you’re having a rough day or need to talk things through is crucial in the healing process. And if they are truly your friend(s), they will be more than willing to be there for you during this difficult time. But also, be honest in what you need from them. If you just need to vent, let them know that. Or if you want advice, ask ahead of time. This will help your friends to know how to best support you.

FOCUS ON YOURSELF

Now that you’ve grieved and gone through the emotions, it’s time to get back to you. So if that means booking a weekend trip, redecorating your home, working out or going to yoga, practicing self-care, cooking/baking, or making plans with friends….DO IT! Because once you start to take care of yourself and focus on what makes you happy, you will start to feel better each day. It can be easy to loose ourselves when we are in a relationship. So allow yourself to enjoy that freedom again and fulfill your needs.

What steps did you take in order to heal from a breakup? What did you find to help you the most during the process? Let’s start the conversation in the comments below.

XO, DANA RAE

LESSONS LEARNED IN MY THIRTIES: PART TWO

I've said this before and I'll say it again, your THIRTIES will be some of the best years of your life. They will also be the years that you really start to get to know who you are as an individual. With that being said, there will be many lessons learned along the way. Two years ago at the age of 33, I wrote all about some of those life lessons and you can read it here. Now that I'm 35, I feel like there is even more that I've learned about life and myself. So I thought I would share some of the life lessons with you in a Part 2, of this very topic. 

1. Friends are everything. Make time for them even when you feel like you don't have the time to give. 

2. Live some place that you miss every time you leave.

3. Make plans, but say “NO” sometimes if you need to.

4. You can have it all, and yet still feel lonely. 

5. Find something that makes you genuinely happy. And do it often.

6. People will disappoint you at some point in your life. But don't let it ruin the relationship. We're all human. 

7. Change is inevitable. But it's how you react to it, that will make the difference in the end. 

8. Speak Up. Don't be afraid to express yourself and have honest conversations. 

9. Surround yourself with strong & supportive women. 

10. Eat healthier and make time for working out. Metabolism is a thing of the past. 

11. You will remember experiences above anything else in life. 

12. Not everyone is meant to play a role in your life. And that’s okay. 

13. Do more things that are out of your comfort zone.

14. Don’t be afraid to reconnect with old friends. Sometimes we get it right the second time around. 

15. Don't let people who don't see your vision detour you from your goals. 

16. The relationship you have with yourself will either be beneficial or detrimental to the relationships you have with others. 

17. Get in the habit of practicing Self Care. 

18. There is no statue of limitations on starting over. 

19. Confidence within yourself will be your best weapon when it comes to career, dating and life in general. 

20. Your THIRTIES will be the years that you will reinvent yourself over and over again. Enjoy the journey! 

What is the best life lesson you've learned in your thirties?!  Comment below. 

XO, Dana Rae

HOW TO COPE WITH DIVORCED PARENTS AS AN ADULT

Divorce is something I am all to familiar with. At the age of two, my mother divorced my father. I don't really remember much other than my father not being around afterward. But years later, I remember reading something my mother wrote in my baby book. She wrote how she hoped that the divorce wouldn't screw me up. 

My Mom remarried when I was 7 years old. And my stepfather essentially became the Dad that I never had and took on the role of raising me. They both have helped shape me into the person I am today and we have always been close. But no family is perfect and ours certainly wasn't. After 25 years of marriage, they separated last year and have since divorced. 

I knew it was for the better but it broke me down in ways I never could have imagined. I wasn't prepared for the aftermath and how it would effect me not having the parental unit I was accustomed to having all these years. The first six months I felt depressed and sad by everything that was taking place. One parent was moving on too fast and starting a whole new life and one parent was still struggling to deal with the reality. I felt torn between the two and neither one of them seemed to notice my feelings at all. 

And to make it worse, there was little comfort or understanding from friends and family. Everyone seemed to have the same attitude of "oh well, life happens". But it was MY life and it did matter. And trust me, I never thought that being in my thirties and having divorced parents would be such a big deal. But the truth is, divorce is hard no matter what age you are. You are not bullet proof to the emotions of something just because you're an adult. 

I've had to learn how to set boundaries with both parents all while trying to rebuild my relationship with them individually. How to factor in holidays and visits and everything in between. And because there is no manual on how to deal with it all. I felt like I needed to share the things that helped me in the process. 

1. TAKE A BREAK IF YOU NEED TO

By this I mean, distance yourself if need be. Sometimes the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. Both parents have to deal with their new reality and you have to allow yourself the time to do the same. And don't feel guilty about it. We all need a break from time to time.

2. SORT THROUGH YOUR FEELINGS

You may feel a sense of loss and sadness and it's important to recognize those feelings and deal with them. Talk to someone, write down how you feel and be honest with yourself. And know that you're allowed to feel this way even if others don't understand it.

3. FIND ONE PERSON YOU CAN CONFIDE IN

Your friends may not be sympathetic to your situation. And like any big change in life, you will need someone who can be a listening ear when needed. I am so thankful for my friend, Jackie. She took my calls at any time of day and was there for me when ever I needed a friend. I told her things that I could barely admit to myself. Having someone there you can trust and confide in will help you to get through the worst of days.

4. BE OPEN TO THE CHANGES YOUR PARENTS WILL MAKE IN THEIR LIVES

To be honest, this is still something I am getting used to. It's not easy to see your parents move on and be with other people. And they often start to live a completely different life than they did before. But if I've learned anything through this process, it's that everyone deserves to be happy. And although you may not agree with their new life decisions, it's their choice to make.

5. SET BOUNDARIES

At some point you will have to set boundaries with each parent. And it can often feel like you're putting them in "time out". But in order for you to have a healthy relationship with them individually, you will have to let them know when they are crossing a line. And it's okay to not want to hear every detail of their divorce, or who did what wrong and even things about their new significant other. YOU get to set the boundaries of what makes you comfortable.

6. ESTABLISH INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH EACH PARENT

Now that each parent has moved on in different directions. You will have to reestablish your relationship with each parent individually. You will also have to find ways to communicate, share holidays and factor in visits. Dedicate some time to spend with each parent separately to re-familiarize yourself with one another. 

It's been a long year of high emotions, changes and accepting the reality of my family's new normal. But I'm thankful that we each seem to have found some sort of peace within ourselves amidst the chaos.  

If you've experienced divorce, what helped you to cope?

XO, Rae

BEING SINGLE IS OFTEN A CHOICE WE MAKE ON PURPOSE

If you're a SINGLE girl like me, chances are high that you are often reminded of it. Most friends and even strangers for that matter, generally have no hesitations on asking about your love life or lack there of. And of course friends like to remind you that "any guy would be lucky to have you". Well, maybe they have been lucky to have me but what they don't realize is that they were ALWAYS the wrong guys. 

I think Carrie Bradshaw said it best:

“Being SINGLE used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty, sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.”

— Carrie Bradshaw

The first guy I ever fell for, was when I was 16 yrs old. We formed a friendship almost instantly but I soon realized my feelings for him were way more complicated. I eventually fell hard but he kept me in the friend zone. So, like a good friend, I stood by him as each of his relationships would fall short of 'happily ever after'. And there I would be, wondering why he didn't choose ME instead? We spent almost all of our time together and with the exception of sex, it felt like we were dating more often than not. I remember feeling as if i was playing the role of his girlfriend just without any of the benefits. And I guess I played the role a little to well, because he kept me around. There would later be blurred moments on and off of us crossing the friend line. But the universe always seemed to stop us before we went too far. Eventually, I would move to another state and years later he would end up in that same state. No, not for me. But with his then, wife. He would later confess to me, that he had often thought "what it would be like" if we had ended up together. I guess he finally realized what he had in front of him all those years. But by now, I was in a long term relationship and wasn't looking to go down that road again. 

Then there was the guy who I would sneak around to date because he was old enough to buy beer and I wasn't. SORRY, Mom! He was in his party phase when we first met and I was still in high school. Our physical attraction to each other was always stronger than anything else. We dated on and off for a few years and even again in my twenties but I couldn't find myself sticking around long term. I think when you're younger, you like the chase more than the actual idea of a relationship. We are completely different people and ultimately that is what drove us apart. That and the fact that I couldn't see myself with him indefinitely. He was always way more into me than I was into him. Although, he is the kinda guy that you wish you could see yourself with. 

Over the years there would be a few other guys. Nothing serious and nothing long term for the most part. And there would even be a guy I would later date and reluctantly go out with. He was the "new guy" in town and started working at the same job as me. He told everyone he was a "business guy" in between jobs and had just relocated back to the city to be closer to his family after a recent separation with his wife. He was charming to say the least and made friends with everyone we worked with. But he had everyone fooled, including me. Until one day, all of his lies would surface and his past would come back to get him, literally. He would end up in jail, tell me it was all a "misunderstanding" all while pleading his innocence. By this time, I had already fallen for him and his story. So much so that I visited him in jail for weeks, paid for numerous collect calls and lied to my parents and friends about what was really going on. Only to eventually watch it all unravel in the end. I will never forget the day I sat with his mom while the Feds came and picked him up from county jail. As I sat there behind the thick glass of the visiting room, it felt like I was watching a scene from a movie. Except it was my real life and I was living it. Needless to say, I ended things that day. 

The next guy that would come into my life would leave a mark forever. To date, my longest relationship of 6+ years, with a man whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I spent the majority of my twenties learning this lesson. The years you're supposed to be single and/or dating just for fun. I thought I was ahead of the game and found "the one" early in life but later that would prove not to be the case. We met while working at a restaurant together. We had mutual friends but had only met each other in passing initially. One day during a casual conversation, we discovered that we both had moved to Georgia from South Florida. We also realized that we had both graduated from the same high school (3 years apart) and lived less than a mile from each other in that same city in Florida. It seemed like destiny at first but destiny like many things in life can be total BS. We had a great relationship until it wasn't. And in between that was love, cheating, making up, breaking up, moving in, moving out and eventually more heart break than either one of us could bare. We would try and put the pieces back together too many times to count. Fear of letting go would keep us holding on but we both knew it was also tearing us apart. We were never really out of each other's lives even after we broke up for good. And a part of me wanted to believe that he could change and be the person that I first fell in love with. I think a part of him also wanted to believe that as well. 

When he found out I was moving to New York. He asked me to stay. But I left anyway. A year later, he told me he wanted to try again and said he was ready to settle down. The one thing I always wanted but never got from him, was commitment. Here he was telling me what I had always wanted to hear but now it wasn't what I wanted. I traded in that dream for a bigger one. A dream driven by success on my terms, happiness within myself and living in one of the greatest cities ever, New York. 

So, if you have a Single friend, don't ask her 'why'? Don't look at her as damaged. Just know that there is more that lies under the surface of why she is protective of her heart. I still believe in love and hope one day there will be a man who will make me forget any of the crappy relationships I've had. Until then, I am enjoying being single. Because it's gonna take one hell of a guy to change that.

XO, Rae

BLANK PAGE: A LIFE UPDATE

We're adults, when did that happen? And how do we make it stop? These words immediately resonated with me as I heard them out loud during an episode of Grey's Anatomy. I was having a rough day and was in my feelings. So, I ordered Chinese food, dug deep into the blankets on my bed and binged watched a season of Grey's on Netflix. And at that very moment of hearing those words, I burst into tears. Life has recently reminded me that it owes you nothing and that change is inevitable. 

I know now more than EVER that life happens regardless if you're ready for it or not. This year has been full of change both personally and professionally. My family dynamic has changed with the divorce of my parents. Although probably best for both parties involved, it still comes with a sense of pain and loss. And one thing I was not prepared for, is how it has changed the relationship I have with my mother. She is someone I have always been extremely close with. But I'm learning that parents have their life to live just as we have our own. And even though I wish things could go back to the way they were, this is now our new normal.

I also, recently parted ways with my half-sister. This is something that has built up for years but still hurts nonetheless. I understand now that with loss comes growth. I have always been a "fixer" in my relationships with others. And this year has taught me that there are some things that can't be fixed. I've learned to accept things for what they are. And in the process, I am also learning to stop carrying the guilt. Being an adult comes with responsibility, but it also comes with the freedom of doing what is best for YOU.

My professional life has taken on a whole new meaning. As I once used to pride myself on a title I held in the corporate world, I'm now learning the meaning of being an entrepreneur. I never realized how much I depended on a job status until I stripped it away. But in the past year of reinventing myself, I realized that I didn't need to have a "title" or "status" in order to be happy. My only regret is that I wish I had realized this sooner. But life is funny that way, in that it gives you exactly what you need when you least expect it.

So, let this be a reminder that life comes with many unexpected changes. And even when life feels like too much, just know that you will get through it. Although, I never would have imagined all the change this year would bring, I am reminded that I have much to look forward to. And one being, embarking on year number three of living in New York City this October.

Everything in life is temporary. And you can always start new on a blank page.

XO, Rae

TOPICS WOMEN HIDE FROM

As women, there are subjects that we tend to avoid being honest about. And sometimes try to avoid all together. Maybe it's for fear of being judged or looked at differently. However, I think often times it’s not until someone else is honest about their feelings, that we admit we feel the same way. Why are we so afraid of being honest with our selves and even more so with each other?

Getting pregnant is one of life's little miracles. Many women base their whole entire life on when they will become a mother. And when it does, they are overwhelmed with joy. Well maybe not for all women. Some women although very much wanting to carry a child do not feel it's the best experience. And not all women actually like being pregnant. YES, there I said it! I haven't been pregnant myself, but I have watched several friends go through two completely different experiences when it comes to pregnancy. And it's difficult to see the friends who did not have the greatest experience being pregnant feel shameful for feeling that way. Why can't a woman say that she dreads the part of gaining weight, feels like her body is disowning her, never had anything close to a "glow", admits to drinking more than the recommended coffee amounts, desperately wants to drink a glass of wine and has no urge to breastfeed PERIOD. Why is it so frowned upon for a women to speak her truth? You don't hear women who have great pregnancies shy away from telling everyone....and I mean everyone! But the moment a pregnant women even starts to say something that sounds like a negative remark about pregnancy, you can just see the looks of other women judging her. 

Getting married is something you often dream about since you were a little girl. You grow up playing house and even married off your Ken and Barbie dolls. Then as you get older, you date different guys and endure one too many heartbreaks. You see relationships for what they really are. Some great and some that you'd like to forget about. You begin to realize that maybe marriage is not what you want or believe in anymore. But your afraid to even say it out loud much less tell your closest friends and definitely not your Mother. If most of your friends are married or engaged, they would probably just tell you that you're going through a phase. Or tell you that you've just dated the wrong guys and not to worry, your future husband IS out there somewhere. But YOU know deep down that if marriage was somehow NOT in the cards for you, you would probably be okay with that. So, why do we feel this guilt for being brutally honest? And for fear of downplaying our friends marriages and relationships, we reluctantly agree that it's just a phase and tell yourself that you're probably just being a little bitter. 

Hold your head high and NEVER let them see you sweat. We are trained since an early age to have our life plan mapped out. College, Career, Marriage then Babies. But what about PLAN B? Or even better yet, PLAN C, D or even E?? Did anyone ever tell you what happens when plan A doesn't fall into place? I didn't think so. So why is that? It's almost as if plan A doesn't go accordingly, then somehow we must have failed in our life. And even worse we would have to admit that we failed if we tried to discuss it with someone else. Not everyone fits into plan A and that's OKAY. Life is often better lived off script. So what you didn't go to college or graduate. And maybe you're in your thirties just now figuring out what you want to do for a longterm career. And maybe being single is your plan for now, so you can travel first before getting married and having kids. What's SO wrong with that plan? Your life doesn't have to be like everyone else's or even in the same order. But we fear to admit to each other that we like our plan better and that life sometimes tastes better against the grain. 

You should never apologize for how you feel, who you are as a person or where you stand on certain topics. So often we seek approval from others. But being honest in how you feel may likely make others feel relieved. We also look to other women who are just like us. It's much more comforting and inspiring when you have those who are closest to you share in your same feelings. So, next time your faced with these topics, be true to YOU. Make no excuses and remember, you may not be alone. 

XO, Dana Rae

10 THINGS YOU LEARN IN YOUR 30s

Since turning the BIG 3-0, I've learned to fully embrace my thirties. And so far, they have not disappointed. They say with age comes wisdom. So with the help of some friends, I have compiled a list of '10 Things You Learn In Your 30's.'

1. EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE

By 30 you start to really get to know who you are as a person and what you want out of life. You become an adult so to speak. Your getting your career on point, your paying bills like a boss and dating like a grown woman. Don't be fearful of who you may become. Be open to the possibilities.

2. YOUR MOM IS ALWAYS RIGHT -Kristi E.

It's bound to happen. You will begin to hear yourself channeling your mother and saying to yourself "She was right!"  I even find that I often apologize to my Mom for thinking that she has no idea what I am going through....what I now realize is that she has already been there and done it. Hence why Mom's give the best advice.

3. YOU ARE NOT MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING -Billy B.

Remember when you got invited to go out with your friends and you were so afraid of missing out you would never say 'NO'. Well those days are over. You just worked a 40+ hour week, your tired, you have nothing to wear and all you really want to do is go home and watch 'The Real Housewives'. Plus you can live vicariously via Facebook and save yourself the hangover. You will thank yourself in the morning.

4. FAMILY IS NOT ALWAYS BLOOD RELATED -Marisa L.

I agree 100%. Family does not have to be true to definition. Being family means more than just sharing a last name or a bloodline of relatives. It's about being there for someone and making an effort to be a part of their life. You don't get to pick your family but you do get to pick your friends. If your lucky, some of those friends will become family. 

5. IT'S OKAY TO MAKE MISTAKES -Billy B.

Although you are well into adulthood now. You are still allowed to make mistakes. You don't have to have it all figured out in a perfect Pinterest board. Be open to the idea that things will fall apart at times. But more often than not you will find yourself able to pick the pieces quicker. 

6. SOMETIMES YOU WILL HAVE TO PARENT YOUR PARENTS -Jackie A.

At some point you will find yourself in a moment of being the parent to your parent(s). Whether it's in giving advice or in caring for them as they get older. Both are more of a reality at this age. You will begin to start to worry about them more often, be ultra protective and have to deal with the fact that they are getting older and will need you more than ever. 

7. A FEW GOOD FRIENDS ARE ALL YOU REALLY NEED

At this age, it really is about quality NOT quantity. Life is busy and when you do have down time, you want to invest in those who make it worth while. This isn't high school anymore and you don't need to be in a clique. You need real girlfriends that you can laugh with, confide in and drink bottles of wine with no judgment. 

8. DATE YOURSELF

Ladies, LISTEN UP! You can't expect for someone to love you if you don't love yourself. And sometimes the best way to do that is to date yourself. Meaning put yourself on "a break" and get to know who you are deep down. The only way you are going to know what you want out of a relationship is to know what you have to have offer as well. Try it. I promise you will be a better girlfriend and one day wife for it!

9. SEX IS BETTER IN YOUR THIRTIES- Jennifer S.

Okay, so now that you have dated your self and have sworn off men for awhile. Nothing will get you back in the saddle more than having some good sex. It's true, sex is better in your thirties. Maybe its because of all the bad sex you had in your twenties or because you’re more experienced now? Whatever it is, be thankful! 

10. YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER AT 30

Contrary to what you may assume, turning thirty is not as awful as we make it out to be. Sure, it poses the question "What am I doing with my life?" But it doesn't have to be defining of who you are. Your not a failure because you don't have your dream job, not married yet or have kids. Life doesn't give you bonus points for having it all figured out by a certain age. Your thirties are the years that you will change and grow the most. It IS possible that your thirties will be some of the best years of your life.

XO, Rae