10 THINGS YOU LEARN IN YOUR 30s

Since turning the BIG 3-0, I've learned to fully embrace my thirties. And so far, they have not disappointed. They say with age comes wisdom. So with the help of some friends, I have compiled a list of '10 Things You Learn In Your 30's.'

1. EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE

By 30 you start to really get to know who you are as a person and what you want out of life. You become an adult so to speak. Your getting your career on point, your paying bills like a boss and dating like a grown woman. Don't be fearful of who you may become. Be open to the possibilities.

2. YOUR MOM IS ALWAYS RIGHT -Kristi E.

It's bound to happen. You will begin to hear yourself channeling your mother and saying to yourself "She was right!"  I even find that I often apologize to my Mom for thinking that she has no idea what I am going through....what I now realize is that she has already been there and done it. Hence why Mom's give the best advice.

3. YOU ARE NOT MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING -Billy B.

Remember when you got invited to go out with your friends and you were so afraid of missing out you would never say 'NO'. Well those days are over. You just worked a 40+ hour week, your tired, you have nothing to wear and all you really want to do is go home and watch 'The Real Housewives'. Plus you can live vicariously via Facebook and save yourself the hangover. You will thank yourself in the morning.

4. FAMILY IS NOT ALWAYS BLOOD RELATED -Marisa L.

I agree 100%. Family does not have to be true to definition. Being family means more than just sharing a last name or a bloodline of relatives. It's about being there for someone and making an effort to be a part of their life. You don't get to pick your family but you do get to pick your friends. If your lucky, some of those friends will become family. 

5. IT'S OKAY TO MAKE MISTAKES -Billy B.

Although you are well into adulthood now. You are still allowed to make mistakes. You don't have to have it all figured out in a perfect Pinterest board. Be open to the idea that things will fall apart at times. But more often than not you will find yourself able to pick the pieces quicker. 

6. SOMETIMES YOU WILL HAVE TO PARENT YOUR PARENTS -Jackie A.

At some point you will find yourself in a moment of being the parent to your parent(s). Whether it's in giving advice or in caring for them as they get older. Both are more of a reality at this age. You will begin to start to worry about them more often, be ultra protective and have to deal with the fact that they are getting older and will need you more than ever. 

7. A FEW GOOD FRIENDS ARE ALL YOU REALLY NEED

At this age, it really is about quality NOT quantity. Life is busy and when you do have down time, you want to invest in those who make it worth while. This isn't high school anymore and you don't need to be in a clique. You need real girlfriends that you can laugh with, confide in and drink bottles of wine with no judgment. 

8. DATE YOURSELF

Ladies, LISTEN UP! You can't expect for someone to love you if you don't love yourself. And sometimes the best way to do that is to date yourself. Meaning put yourself on "a break" and get to know who you are deep down. The only way you are going to know what you want out of a relationship is to know what you have to have offer as well. Try it. I promise you will be a better girlfriend and one day wife for it!

9. SEX IS BETTER IN YOUR THIRTIES- Jennifer S.

Okay, so now that you have dated your self and have sworn off men for awhile. Nothing will get you back in the saddle more than having some good sex. It's true, sex is better in your thirties. Maybe its because of all the bad sex you had in your twenties or because you’re more experienced now? Whatever it is, be thankful! 

10. YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER AT 30

Contrary to what you may assume, turning thirty is not as awful as we make it out to be. Sure, it poses the question "What am I doing with my life?" But it doesn't have to be defining of who you are. Your not a failure because you don't have your dream job, not married yet or have kids. Life doesn't give you bonus points for having it all figured out by a certain age. Your thirties are the years that you will change and grow the most. It IS possible that your thirties will be some of the best years of your life.

XO, Rae

THE FRIENDS WE KEEP

Once you're in your thirties you realize that a few true friends are better than the twenty you used to have. I think it's important that women have a close group of girlfriends. I feel blessed to say that I have an amazing group of friends. 

Most of my girlfriends, I met when I was in my twenties. Your twenties are usually your unstable years. When you're partying, making up, breaking up and trying to figure out your life. If your friends can see you at this stage of your life and still be around after, they will typically become lifelong friends. 

All of my girlfriends have this in common: they are loyal, trustworthy and have a genuine interest in my life. I feel these qualities are hard to come by but are crucial when it comes to friendships. Often we surround ourselves with friends who are too caught up in their own life to take notice of ours. Friendship should be equal. It takes work just like any relationship. But in the end you want to feel they are just as invested in your life as you are in theirs.

I think it's also important to have a well rounded group of girlfriends. Different friendships serve different purposes in your life. And if all of your friends were alike, that would be pretty boring right?

One of my girlfriends, Brooke, is a few years younger than me. We are complete opposites in most aspects. She is bold, has never met a stranger and loves the outdoors. I'm more shy and quiet at first and not very outdoorsy unless it involves drinking on a patio. But we bonded over our passion for life and hard work. We both have recently moved to new states in efforts to chase our dreams. It's amazing to share those experiences with a friend who understands it first hand. 

Jenn is one of my girlfriends that I have known the longest. We met while working at a pediatric medical office and instantly became friends. She is soft spoken, smart, a great mother and can fix almost anything. Seriously, she can put most men to shame. She taught me a lot when I first started at the pediatric office and we both connected over our passion for working in the medical field and helping people. Through the years, we have shared countless stories of failed attempts of meeting Mr. Right, spent many nights out at the bars and have leaned on each other through difficult times. Jenn will forever be my wing woman at the bar and in life. We have had some of the best times and share stories only we can tell. 

Courtney, is my RIDE or DIE friend. Every girl needs one. That friend that never judges you or your mistakes. She is kind, quick witted, outspoken and doesn't let many people into her life easily. I consider myself lucky to be called her friend. She helped me to work through my past relationship with my ex and has always been a great listening ear. She is always honest when giving advice and that is what I love most about her. We have seen each other go through some of the most difficult times in our lives. And we have also celebrated many of life's happy moments like her newly born daughter. She is so worthy of becoming a Mother. She reminds me that even though life is full of unknowns, you still have to ride it out. 

My best friend, Lindsey, I saved for last. She is the most selfless person I have ever met. She is thoughtful, funny, kindhearted and will take you by surprise with her kick ass karaoke skills to 80's & 90's music. She will sing Salt -N- Pepa's "PUSH IT" like nobody's business. We could do nothing but sit in her living room and drink wine all night and be perfectly content. She and I like to do simple things: like go to festivals, eat cheap Mexican food, drink margaritas and craft things. Although she is now a busy Mom, she always makes time for our friendship. We understand each other and never have to apologize for what we say or think. She is honestly more like a sister to me. Friends who become family are the best types of friends. I can see us both sitting on a porch well into our 50's sipping wine and eating mint milanos.

I can't imagine my life without each of them. They are truly the best friends a girl could ever ask for. 

XO, Rae

HOW MOVING TO A NEW CITY INSPIRED PERSONAL GROWTH

Living in New York has made me realize a few things about myself. I am way more comfortable now outside of my comfort zone than I have ever been before. New York exposes you to so much just in every day life. You are constantly surrounded by people. It's true, your personal space is pretty nonexistent most of the time. From crowded streets, subway stations and even grocery stores. But the good thing is that you have a lot more chances of meeting some amazing people. Everyday is like a new experience filled with new opportunities.

I have also learned to embrace change head on. Change used to be something that made me feel anxious and I often avoided it. I've had a lot of change in my childhood and I think that essentially made me fearful of change in my adult life.  

I have settled into the city and adapted to my new life pretty well in the past 8 months. Moving in general can be overwhelming but moving to New York adds a whole new level. Smaller space, roommates, no car, public transportation, longer work hours....the list goes on. All of which seem somewhat normal to me now. I LOVE living here in the city and for once I welcome the change that comes with it.

Fear of failure is also something I'm learning to let go of. I no longer want to say "what if." I want to live the life envision for myself and put my fears aside. It can be scary to chase dreams. But I think having regrets is scarier.  I would rather say that I tried and failed than have never tried at all. I'm learning that the journey is more important than the end result. I created this blog to document my journey here in New York. But also, in hopes that women can relate to the honesty of embracing your thirties and reinventing yourself. In addition, I am writing a book based on my life experiences, relationships, friendships and lessons learned. My goal is to one day publish the book. 

I guess you can say New York has changed me. Or maybe it's that I've allowed myself to be more open to this experience. Either way, I'm so grateful for the growth.

XO, Rae

CHASING DREAMS

Let's back up to about 8 months ago...

When I moved from ATLANTA to NEW YORK. I had just resigned from my job of 7 1/2 years.  I worked in the medical field as a manager for a large private practice. This was my career for the past 10+ years and I loved what I did. Most of all, I loved making a difference and being there for my patients and staff. I've always thought being a manager can have its challenges but it also has it's rewards. There are days you question everything and days you feel like you've conquered it all. 

I took a chance moving to New York without a job. I wanted to move first, get adjusted to the City and then seek out a job. I saved money prior to moving to allow myself this time. After three weeks of living here, I was getting restless staying at home and was eager to get back to work. But of course I had fears. What if I couldn't land a job in New York? What if I wasn't good enough for the same type position?  What if? 

These doubts were constantly on my mind but I knew I had to put myself out there in order to see what I was up against. Surprisingly, once I started putting my resume out there, I received some very encouraging feedback. 

Within a two week period, I was hired and started my new job right before Thanksgiving. The company that hired me was actually similar to the one I had worked for in Atlanta, but the position was a huge move up on the career ladder. And I was ecstatic to have this incredible opportunity. I was so unsure of how I would land on my feet here and this was beyond anything I expected. 

I've been with the company now for a little over 6 months. I feel like I've given it my best. But I recently made the difficult decision to resign. Although I love the company, I've come to find that it's just not the right fit for me. For those who know me, know that this decision does not come easy. I have NEVER quit a job. I pride myself on my work. Honestly, for the past 10+ years, work has consumed my life. 

But what I have come to realize, is happiness out weighs EVERYTHING else in life. As I finish up my last week of work, I am unsure of my next move for the first time in my life. And I'm strangely calm about the situation. I feel that I have learned a lot about myself these past few months since moving to New York. I'm not afraid of change anymore. I've already been pushed outside my comfort level and I hope that this will only push me farther. 

I have dreams of finishing a book I'm writing, growing my blog and one day becoming an entrepreneur. As they say in life, sometimes you have to close one door before another one can open. I'm hoping this is true. I feel inspired again for the first time in a long time. And I want to create the life I envision for myself.

No one ever said chasing dreams would be easy but they did promise it would be worth it! 

XO, Rae

THE BEST ADVICE I RECEIVED BEFORE MOVING TO NYC

Before I moved to New York, I read countless websites, blogs, and Buzzfeed articles. I did a lot of research in the months leading up to my move. Mostly articles on "What to expect when moving to New York", "Things to know before moving to New York" and "Things you need when living in New York." You get the idea.

I was determined to prepare myself the best way possible. I wanted to come here and succeed but also be realistic. I knew New York was not going to be an easy move so I wanted to read up on everything that  I could find before the big day.

Now that I live here, I feel like I know a lot more of what the reality IS. I did find that I learned some useful tips in my online research, however the advice I received from my best friend, Will, was probably the most honest and helpful to me. He told me that I could plan all I wanted, but that it really comes down to this, "YOU HAVE TO WANT TO BE HERE". Those 7 words have stuck with me EVER SINCE. And it's the truest of anything I read or was told about living in New York. Here's the thing, there are tons of people who move to New York every day. And there are tons of reasons why they move to New York. But if you truly want to be here, you've already separated yourself from those who just move here on hopes and dreams. New York is tough. So, the key is asking yourself, "Why do I want to be here?"

What's the best advice you've received before making a big move?  

XO, Rae

MOVING TO NEW YORK

Moving to New York has been by far the best decision I have ever made. Well...I say that NOW, maybe I should wait til I have lived here for at least a year?! Moving here was not always part of my plan but life changes sometimes and here I am.

Up until 7 months ago, I was living in Atlanta, Ga. I had a great job, amazing friends and a gorgeous apartment right outside of the city. So what changed?! Well...I changed. Two and half years ago, before turning 30, I began to see my life differently unlike before. I was a few years out of a long term relationship that was on again off again for longer than I like to admit to.

When I was with my ex, I was so sure of my life, my career and wanting to be married and have kids. I had always thought that I would be married and have kids before 30. I think most women feel the pressure of this for all sorts of reasons. But turning 30 was a game changer for me. I stopped worrying about where I was in life and started to focus on where I was going in life. For me, I was so worried about trying to have this list of accomplishments by the time I turned 30 and then realized that my life was just starting. I let go of my preconceived ideas and I let myself be. I actually came to New York to visit my best friend Will (who I live with now) and celebrate my 30th Birthday.

I had no idea that almost 2 years later I would be moving to New York. Will had been trying to get me to move to New York for a few years. I would nicely say to him "maybe" but really knowing in the back of my mind that I had no intentions of moving. (He knew that as well but he still tried to convince me). At that time I was still content with my life in Atlanta and was ready to see what 30 had to offer. I would visit New York a few more times after my 30th Birthday, falling more in love with the city more each time. And then after a major loss in my life, I soon realized that maybe New York wasn't a bad idea after all.

My Grandfather passed away last year May 24th, 2014. A day that I will never forget. He was an amazing man. He traveled the world, had a very successful career and made a name for himself. He was known by a rare nickname and was the life of the party. Shortly before his passing, I had told him about the possibility of me moving to NY. He was surprisingly very excited for me. He traveled to NY often throughout his life and had nothing but great things to say and stories to tell about his trips here. I was still unsure myself if I would actually go through with it but when he passed, I knew I had to do it. Not just for him, but for me. His passing changed my life in more ways than one. But mostly he had always instilled in me to never have regrets in life. He lived life so passionately and I wanted to do the same. So, fast forward to October 2014, I packed up an SUV full of clothes and boxes with my Mom and my best friend. After 16 hours traveled up the east coast, at 3AM October 10th, 2014, I officially became a New Yorker. 

Can't wait to share this journey with you. 

XO, Rae